Three in a Bed - a book that changed my world

I wrote this book review for the local ABA (Australian Breastfeeding Association) bulletin, and thought I would put it up here. This journey called motherhood I am on has had many watershed moments and 'daring' to co-sleep was one of them. Not that it hasn't involved plenty of adjustments (learning to sleep better on my side and not wriggle around as I drift off; husband in seperate bed, then beds on the floor, now two matruses side by side so we can all be in together), or that I don't have good and bad nights still - but almost as soon as I accepted M in my bed all night I felt human again during the days. I am able to be a more patient mum both night and day. ... I could rave on, not just about the practical benefits, but my friends probably hear enough of it anyway! Let's just start on the book review:

Three in a Bed: the benefits of sleeping with your baby. By Deborah Jackson.

This refreshing and unapologetic title grabbed my attention. Since my son arrived and tumbled my husband and I head first into the world of parenting a wakeful baby, I began bleary eyed searching for a book that would legitimise what my instincts, and (what was left of) my logical brain, were crying out: surely there had to be a sensible way for everyone to get the rest they need without all of us wailing and crying through the night.

"Three in a Bed" unashamedly advocates what is, in out society, a less trodden (or at least, less admitted) path – co-sleeping with your children. On the practical benefits and practicalities of co-sleeping with our babies, Jackson provides a myriad of practical advice, well researched and with plenty of helpful personal examples. However, perhaps its most compelling and interesting argument for co-sleeping is simply putting it in cultural and historical context.

Jackson documents examples of many different sleeping arrangements used in different cultures – revealing there is no one right way of co-sleeping with your baby; it is as individual as each family unit. Neither, her examples show, is it just something tribal cultures do. Jackson challenges us to look past the revering of “traditional” indigenous groups as somehow having the monopoly on instinct and to begin to listen again to our own.

I found particularly interesting the history Jackson provides of the move towards sleeping children in cots. Preparing a cot and nursery for a new baby today is not only so common it is rarely questioned, but has become an integral and endeared part of the ritual new parents go through as they begin to adjust their lives and express their love for their unborn child. If you choose to co-sleep, it can actually be something of a loss to not have a nursery to lovingly prepare! However, the shift from babies sharing the parents' bed to sleeping separately in a cot began, Jackson documents, with Victorian nurses' and midwives' (misplaced) concern with hygiene, and the rise of medical interest in childbirth and child development that shifted the domain of childrearing wisdom from mothers to doctors.

More recently, alarm over the risk of SIDS led to public health campaigns warning against the dangers of co-sleeping. This is a sensitive subject and Jackson has the respect to do something perhaps health authorities – in well meaning fear no doubt – may have been afraid to do – provide people with all the relevant information needed to make an informed decision themselves.

Jackson provides a review of the evidence on safe sleeping with babies. She clearly lays out the (surprisingly preliminary) evidence that led to the strong push against co-sleeping, as well as much evidence as to how co-sleeping may actually have many benefits for a baby's growth and development and if done sensibly, be safer than having your baby sleep alone. It was this enlightening chapter in the main, that compelled me to review the book here. I would hate to think that, for fear, we may be curtailing further discussion and research into safe sleeping for our babies, and in the process losing the health and practical benefits co-sleeping can provide.

Of the bookshelf full of books on babies' sleep I have this is my #1. I'd recommend it to all mothers-to-be (and mothers-already-are) – if for no other reason than to say you don't have to be afraid to consider co-sleeping.